Friday, December 28, 2007
...UNHAPPY YET HAPPY CHRISTMAS...
quite contradicting isn't it... but that is how i feel right now... my psyche during the yesterdays was so fixed that every problems come my way are just piece of dusts... unlike now... every bit is so hard to deal with....
my mind is full of questions filled with doubts and solitude with what was happening in my surroundings... why is it there has to be tears to be brought during the night before Christmas?? Was it because of every bit of inferiorities I have stocked in myself to show up a good me has suddenly popped out in every part of the self... why do i feel covetousness right now for all the readings I am receiving?? why is it my decisions are always filled with choices and such choices are so ironic with each other?? why is it time is always against me whenever i make a choice?? Dozens and dozens of questions are still popping out of my head?? was it because i haven't found yet my real self... what am i going to do in order to find myself?? do i really have trusted friends behind me or they are just friends just because they wanted something to me.... waaahhh... what am i going to do to stop this outrage in my mind...
even though i am thinking of these stuffs... i still celebrated my Christmas to the fullest of my smile... First ever praises i have received from my uncle who always insults me... somebody acknowledged my capabilities as a man and as a servant of happiness... one line that i am so shocked when i heard it was: "There's nothing wrong in being a professor it's an achievement for somebody entrusts you with the knowledge they need to learn... Thus, it proves that you are really a great man..."These are the things that made my Christmas blissful and a day to be cherished for... Even if i haven't received the gift that i really wanted i'm still happy for what i have and i thank Him for giving them to me and taught me to be contented of what i have...
quite contradicting isn't it... but that is how i feel right now... my psyche during the yesterdays was so fixed that every problems come my way are just piece of dusts... unlike now... every bit is so hard to deal with....
my mind is full of questions filled with doubts and solitude with what was happening in my surroundings... why is it there has to be tears to be brought during the night before Christmas?? Was it because of every bit of inferiorities I have stocked in myself to show up a good me has suddenly popped out in every part of the self... why do i feel covetousness right now for all the readings I am receiving?? why is it my decisions are always filled with choices and such choices are so ironic with each other?? why is it time is always against me whenever i make a choice?? Dozens and dozens of questions are still popping out of my head?? was it because i haven't found yet my real self... what am i going to do in order to find myself?? do i really have trusted friends behind me or they are just friends just because they wanted something to me.... waaahhh... what am i going to do to stop this outrage in my mind...
even though i am thinking of these stuffs... i still celebrated my Christmas to the fullest of my smile... First ever praises i have received from my uncle who always insults me... somebody acknowledged my capabilities as a man and as a servant of happiness... one line that i am so shocked when i heard it was: "There's nothing wrong in being a professor it's an achievement for somebody entrusts you with the knowledge they need to learn... Thus, it proves that you are really a great man..."These are the things that made my Christmas blissful and a day to be cherished for... Even if i haven't received the gift that i really wanted i'm still happy for what i have and i thank Him for giving them to me and taught me to be contented of what i have...
«GINPAO»
12/28/2007
